Truth is a balancing act. It requires you to walk a fine line between Exaggeration and Lies.
I’ve thought a while about the situation I’m currently in and have decided to put down once and for all what the truth is for me regarding my unemployment.
First of all, I am appreciative of the opportunities and experiences I had in my former position. I worked for a company that, on the surface seemed OK, but in reality was lacking in a lot of areas. I had been with this company going on 4 years. Prior to being in the brand management department, I had been in an analyst role. In that former position, I primarily worked with site level personnel and enjoyed that part of the job. The rest of it isn’t worth mentioning, but I did meet a few co-workers that I’ve enjoyed keeping in touch with.
After about 2 years in that position, I moved on to a new department. Unsure about exactly what they did, outside of the information I gleaned from the interview, but I knew I needed a change and so I accepted the position. Plus, the interview went great and I felt very positive when it was over. I often explain to people that I felt the interview, which was in an office, was more like a coffee shop interview: Calm, cool, comfortable and extremely open. After a little bit of time waiting for the acceptance, I soon made the transition to my new department and quickly learned what they did, how they did it and why it was the best move for me. I will always stand by this decision. I was able to learn and grow. To deal head on with issues that I felt firmly about in what I internally called “sessions” with my director. Trust me, this is a compliment. These “sessions” also spilled over into my interaction with one of the managers in the department as well. His advice was always welcomed, respected and appreciated. Everyone was a learning opportunity and a moment to reflect on a different course of action based on the individual that yielded his or her experience in the issue at hand. And with all of this came the ability to find ways to let go of the detriments that had been holding me back, because I internally decided that I wanted to be a part of this group and to let go, in the best way that I could, my inhibitions. I don’t think this was always successful, but I know I always tried. I’m not sure if the people in the department realized the affect they were having on me, but I came to realize it and embraced it.
It was only a short time into the position that I realized that I absolutely enjoyed what I did. I was becoming comfortable, tolerant and happy. I was part of a creative process and I learned about advertising, printing, branding, job trafficking and better ways to improve my proofing. I created processes for myself that I could only have found during the time allotted to me in this position. In addition, I couldn’t believe that I had the opportunity to work with such an overwhelmingly great group of people. It dawned on me early on that this was the opportunity I had sought and it was the career that I wanted to continue pursuing. I don’t know if I will be able to, but I had the privilege of working with this great staff and at no point in the past, did I have such an overwhelmingly positive experience. Now, I know, some of you may think (those that know me) you’re only 31, how much experience could you have. Fact is, I’ve worked since I was 10. I’ve had plenty of experience and have worked in a variety of industries during this time.
But after about a year and a half, this experience came to an end (10/15/08). I had the strongest “gut” feeling that I would be let go and was proven to be correct. I packed up my items the day before so that I didn’t have to do it in front of everyone and made sure I had every project completed, closed out or ready for future finalization. But the night before, the oddest thing came over me before I was officially told. It was a feeling of acceptance. I was fine and at peace with it. Sure, it hurt and stung a bit when it happened. I did my best to walk in with a smile on my face and to depart in the same manner. I told everyone it would be OK and I still know it will. Some time afterwards, I definitely woke up at around 4 a.m. and had my “moment” of true acceptance. Yet, I know that I wasn’t regretful, bitter, angry or pissed off. More like dissappointed. Even still, I realized (and continue to do so) how grateful I was to have met the people I did, to be hired into a position and given a chance to do work in an area that was a clear departure from my former position and to be entrusted with this opportunity. I have new contacts and friends that I still keep in touch with. So, the truth of the matter is that I am OK. I believe I obtained what I needed and am now on the dutiful path of moving forward. There are days that I slip away and recede from the world. However, there are days of so much clarity that I don’t think I would have had such a mindset, or at least it would have taken a lot longer to achieve, had the culmination of my past never lead to that moment. Fact is, even my position as an analyst that I sometimes abhor more often then I should, I have to also be thankful for that opportunity. In every way, it lead to a better position and experience. It lead to long lasting friendships and professional growth. It lead to sanity and an eye opening awareness of the type of career that I want to be in. And it lead to this very moment and now I am taking all of it with as much forward momentum as I can.