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New place; renewed appreciation

I finally moved in to my new place on Sunday, March 29, 2009.  I wasn’t too sure what to expect or how I would actually feel when I was finally moved in, because this is a bit of a change for me as I am not in the normal surroundings that I am used to.  City life, the quick drive to local areas and just having the knowledge of where everything is at, while not being too far away from anything.  I’m still not that far out, just a bit farther then usual.  Yet, I have come to appreciate my new surroundings.

As a quick back story, some of you know, that I was laid off back in October (along with a lot of people from many companies) and two months later a few more of my direct colleagues were laid off again.  One of them offered me the option of moving into her basement if and when things began to get either too costly, or I could no longer sustain myself on the unemployment benefits alone.  This was offered to me in December 2008.  At the time, I was taken aback by the offer, because it was so generous and it was a complete surprise.  It was during a social gathering and completely “out of the blue”.  I was shocked and flattered that I was regarded so well to even be entrusted with such an offer.  For someone to open their home to you in any manner is one of trust, but to open it up to you to come and live in, well that’s really personal.  It isn’t done lightly and you don’t even know how the person who’s receiving the offer to move in will respond; will they be offended or not.  I wasn’t offended, but felt honored that someone cared enough for my well being, outside of my family, to offer me to move into their home.  In the brief moment of the offer being made and before I spoke, I quickly thought that I didn’t believe this would ever have to happen.  I knew what my finances were on a month-to-month basis and I equally knew how long I would be able to last on my own.  Again, this was in December 2008, that the option was made available to me.  I knew that by sometime in April, I would be tapped out or close to being so.  Yet, I had hope that I would land something between now and then.  

I was extremely appreciative and had hoped that my response reflected that position.  Although at the time I declined the offer, I explained that I was doing fine (and I was. I was doing better then even I expected after the loss of my job) and that I appreciate the concern.  I explained that I thought I would be OK with being on my own for now, but if anything changed or my plans to be fully employed didn’t work out, I would keep the offer in mind.  Again, it was reiterated that the space was available if I needed it.  We smiled and I thanked her again for the offer, and it was left at that.  

Fast forward to March 1, 2009.  A few weeks before this date, I realized that my funds were pretty much exhausted.  I could have probably survived one more month, but that would have really depleted me of everything.  During this time, I had spoken with the party that made the offer for me to move in and had inquired if the space was available.  I was told yes and the plan to make the move was set into motion.  I waited until the absolute last day possible to give my 30-day notice to my landlord, because I was still holding out hope that a call for employment would come and I wanted to make sure that I really exhausted the time I had left to provide my notice.  As such, no call came and on the first of March, my intent to move out letter was emailed to my landlord.  I still had the remaining 30 days at my old place and I made sure to continue searching for employment with the hope that something would be found.  Now, I realize how this may sound, as if I didn’t want to move to where I am, but as I’ve explained to others, it wasn’t the idea of having to move in with my former colleague that I was hesitant with.  It was having to accept the reality that it had finally come down to the fact that I had to move, because I could no longer sustain myself on my own.  The fact that being unemployed had taken it’s toll and like an insurmountable battle, you realize that no matter how much you throw at it; no matter how much you push back; how hard you fight to maintain yourself, you have to secede.  The war between me and the economy had its third casualty; the loss of where I was living, a small battle win was handed over to the economy.  But, this war is not over and I have not fully lost, the economy just has a better score right now: 0-3 in favor of the economy (I count the loss of my job, not being able to pay my creditors and having to move out as 3).

As of today, April 2, 2009, I’ve had to postulate myself into a new lifestyle, one that isn’t bad at all.  I remember getting up the very next morning after I had officially moved in and went outside.  It was early, quiet and peaceful. The area is heavily wooded and secluded.  As I sat there, I looked out and realized what living in the city can do to you sometimes; it makes you immune to nature.  I was hearing all these wonderful sounds off in the trees and in spots unseen, and I saw a Woodpecker flying around and making its small calls.  It landed on the stairs and kept spinning around, and looking everywhere, as if it was expecting something to approach it from behind.  Then, it quickly darted off to a section of the woods where I saw it meet up with some other birds.  The breeze in the morning was cool and soothing.  I remember feeling very calm.  I can’t recall how long it had been when I just sat outside and took in the sight that nature provides you, for the sole purpose of doing just that.  Not a social gathering where you are with others, but just sitting outside by yourself and taking in your surroundings in a pleasant manner.

Later in the day, I sat with Cheryl and Ken outside of their front door.  It became the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel my mind wander or waver in its thoughts and I just enjoyed the feeling of being calm.  We talked about a few things, contemplated on how nice the area was, laughed about other things, told a few stories and overall, it was just a very nice moment.

I’ve talked about this in a previous post, the idea of how things come together when you least expect it. The fact that I didn’t want to leave Florida, but right as it was coming close to me having to consider doing so, a surprising alternative yielded itself to me, months back, which worked its way as a solution for me presently.  This yields me the opportunity to remain hopeful and to continue my search for employment, even in areas outside of Florida.  Just as one thing fails; something new comes in to take its place and moves you in a new direction.  A path that isn’t so far off from where you were, but skewed just slightly to keep you on a parallel path in the same direction you are trying to steer yourself in.  The fact that you can never fully realize how everything will fit until it fits and at that moment, you have your “Aha!” moment.  After a while, if you’re paying attention, you can almost start seeing these entanglements weaving together, even if you are not fully receptive to how it will all fold out.

I think I gained a bit more in having to move.  I was becoming annoyed with my previous living situation and had been wanting to move for a long time now.  But I realized why I was hesitant to move, because I wasn’t moving on my own terms.  So, I was forced to do what I was wanting to do, but for a different reason.  I think about this now and I say to myself, “So what”.  I think I was also slightly worried about having to sacrifice a bit of my privacy, but really, that hasn’t been an issue either.  I’ve enjoyed getting to know Cheryl and Ken Bevis, and am honored by their hospitality.  I am both thankful and humbled for what they have provided.  They have been both gracious and generous.  I find myself, even though they have told me that I don’t have to, thinking of how I am going to repay them for their kindness.  I’m sure I’ll figure something out, but part of this post today was to put into words my gratitude for their trust and kindness.

——-@ds

 

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