Get In The Game (or out of it?)

As a child of the late 70′s (1977), I was part of the generation that grew up playing video games, both at home and at the arcade. When I think back on my history with this illusory past time, I remember all the fun and excitement that I had with playing them. Yet, at some point in my life I grew past playing video games all the time. I don’t quite recall when the turning point was, but I also know it never fully left. The last console I purchased was the Gamecube Nintendo and that all changed a little over 6 months ago. During a pre-black Friday sale, I bought an Xbox 360. For a brand new system, I paid only 99 dollars. I figured it was a good deal and given the hell of a year it has been, it was the first “gift” to myself in a long time (even before the lay offs). After buying this system, I got it home and opened it up, just to make sure everything was in the box. Then I packed it up and put it in a storage bin where it sat for a little over three weeks. And again, that all changed months ago. So, as of today, I have been actively playing my Xbox 360 and using the Xbox Live service. I’m meeting up with some friends online and meeting some new gamers via the online games that I have. I’m enjoying it a lot and the more I play the more I start remembering the part of me that I left behind, and how I used to be.

Over the past eight years I have had a few skirmishes here and there with playing video games, but even with my new console, I still haven’t scratched the surface of the hours I used to give to my gaming past. In many ways, I am glad that this is the case. However, there has always been, and I suspect always will be, a desire in me to get back into heavy gaming. Even though I have controlled the habit over the years, I still get that persistent itch once in a while and I have given into a few all night sessions. However, after getting back into the groove, I’ve started to reflect upon my memories as a child growing up in Seattle, WA, California and later in Oklahoma and Minnesota; a reflection of how much video games were a part of my life. Another reminder of this fact actually came to me prior to purchasing this Xbox 360 when I watched the movie, “The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters” back in June or August of 2009. Now for me, the arcade game of choice from the classic arcade game era was the fast version of Ms. Pac-man.

I clearly remember being a very young kid, unable to reach the joystick on the system, but wanting to play. Every once in a while, my mom would take me to this BBQ shack that was around the corner from our apartment in Seattle, WA, and she would sometimes provide me with up to five dollars in quarters, put them down on a table and then hold me up to the video game to let me play. I believe this was the juncture for me that started my descent ascent into gaming. As time went on, I was brought up on Nintendo consoles. Through the years, I never swayed from Nintendo, until recently. When I was of age, I also gamed at local video game arcades, comic book shops that, at that time, had arcades in their stores and pretty much anywhere else that I could pop in a quarter. And they were everywhere for me. I swear, the 80′s to early/mid 90′s were a great era for arcade gaming.

Arcade gaming provided something that console gaming, at the time, never could: community interaction of like mindedness. It also provided the aspect of direct competition and the warrior mentality of wanting to be the best (in a digital world). And this was the life for me. Some of my best times and friendships were made, even if temporarily, with people whom you only saw at the arcade. Hanging out and talking about the newest game or some new, secret path you found in Mario Bros.; or how you demolished a friend at your home on some past night. Standing around, with your quarter on a machine in a line of quarters denoting your spot in the imaginary line that is winding and crunching all around the game as everyone is watching another person(s), play the latest and greatest and being in awe of their mastery. Asking someone how they did a move or sweating in the heat of the moment as you’re accomplishing some new goal on a game that you’ve played over and over again, but at that moment it feels like it is a first time experience. Finding a quarter or a token on the ground, because you knew you didn’t have any more money to play, but if you could find that one coin you could be the best for one more evening (or at least kill more time from having to return home where chores and boredom awaited). Being in an arcade was like being in another world, one in which you rose and fell based on the power of your gaming.

The movie The Wizard, starring Fred Savage (the child actor from “The Wonder Years”), was the movie that you had to see back then. It was the movie for us in the gaming world, even though it was very cheesy (you never admitted it then, because you couldn’t see that aspect. In hindsight, even if it’s a whisper, you have to admit it); it still pressed upon the desire of the inner gamer to be the best at what you play. The song, from Karate Kid, “You’re The Best” by Joe Esposito was informally adopted in my gaming mind (and I suspect many others in the gaming community). I had that song in my mind so many times, even today it sneaks back in, “You’re the best–around–nothing’s gonna ever keep you down… you’re the best–around…” I mean, who didn’t hum that song at least once while destroying a competitor or obtaining that next level unseen before. I know I did.

Now, I am full circle to where I am at today. With a new job and career in tow, and my first new console after skipping a console generation of gaming; I enjoy how powerful this system is and the games that I am playing (Left 4 Dead 2, Borderlands and Army of Two: The 40th Day). Yet, I still find myself longing for more. I’m sure others would disagree or consider it not as important, but that external interaction with others in a sea of machines with the imaginations of their creators displayed for our enjoyment was unlike any experience that a console can currently provide and yet, this disparity will soon diminish as time goes on. As fun as it is for me to play with friends online and with new gamers that are waiting to join up to play the same game, I still feel as if something is missing. What we gain in the online connection of our systems, we lose in that social interaction that was so prevalent at an arcade. Sure we can chat and even video chat online, play the game together and do all the things you could do at an arcade, but it can’t take the place of those times when you would high five someone for doing something great; grabbing the person next to you as someone achieves something unseen before; besting player after playing during Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat and being able to watch them leave in defeat. And yes, even the face to face shit talking. I realize most of this is still able to be done through our consoles, but there’s a unique experience when you’re physically next to others while it is happening. I suspect that gaming may never truly see its way back to an arcade environment again, outside of a few niche areas or some ‘event’ that is taking place, but what a wild ride it was and I wish some of these younger gamers could truly experience what those in my age group grew up with.

——-@ds

The title says it all. I have a small notebook and in it contains a few of my ideas. Most of the time, I tend to intimately consider things I’d like to create or endeavors I’d like to make, but I hardly ever write them down. Rather, I store them in my mind and recall them as needed. However, I have kept coming back to an idea that I’ve had for a while. I contacted the owner of Please Feed The Animals, Erik Proulx, and asked him for his advice on how best to present one’s idea on the web to share with the larger community, but to also protect it from those who may have better resources to implement a potentially good endeavor. His reply, and this is paraphrasing at best, was that far too often many people keep great ideas locked away in notebooks that never see the light of day. This one statement was the one thing I needed to hear.  Since then, I’ve added a few more thoughts to the idea; talked to a few more people about it and have committed to writing it out and posting it on my blog site.

I can’t quite state when the post will happen, but it will. I may very well wait until I can transition this blog off of WordPress’ hosting site and onto my own self-hosting service, and let that be the first new post of my new, self-owned/contained, blog site. Either way, the time is ticking and one of the crucial elements will be to find a few people that have the resources needed to accomplish the goal of this idea. This is just one post to get the ball rolling…

——-@ds

It has been about 3 weeks since my last post, but I am happy to report that I am working again, at least on a temporary assignment. I’ve been re-employed at my former company that I was initially laid off from. I am back in my previous department, but in a new role. As I’ve told those close to me, I’m very happy for the reprieve, even if there is an end date. This all came about on the 3rd of August. That day I had to fill out all the paper work and fax/email it back to the company. By Wednesday, I had to accept and sign the offer letter and take the mandatory drug test. And all of this was being rushed so I could start on the following Monday, August 10, which I did. It has also been an odd transition of getting back into the mindset of having a schedule to adhere to in order to get some sleep, wake up at a proper hour and get to work on time. After almost 10-months of sleeping whenever, waking up whenever and doing whatever-whenever; I am slowly coming around to this familiar, but re-enacted routine.

This past Friday, I received my first pay check, but only for the first week, because I had not completed a full two weeks yet. A former colleague of the company (and now friend), who worked out of another state and was also laid off (he has recently relocated to Orlando, FL working for another new, but soon to be great, company) told me about a month ago, about how good it felt to receive his first paycheck in such a long time. I have to echo those sentiments: it does feel really good. But, I have not let this positive turn deter me from my current goals and path. I still have every intention of paying off my car. This should happen, if everything goes as planned, in October. After this time, I should be saving more and planning what I will do once the job is set to end by December, 31st 2009. With everything that has happened since October 2008, I’m not ready to bank on anything beyond this being a temporary position for me. I’ll always keep an open mind as to the possibilities and make some, not so formal, plans should those possibilities become realized, but my consistent plan will always be on the reality of what currently “is”.

So, as of now, what becomes of my website: www.runningwithoutcondition.com? I will continue to post. The metaphor still applies in all aspects of my life, not just my goal (which is still not completed) of being permanently employed as full-time somewhere. I still have plans of transitioning this site off of WordPress’ servers and set up my own hosting site. I still have a number of drafts waiting to be completed. I think that I will probably start publishing my “spouting” posts anytime, but any of my longer posts will most likely be done during the weekend.

It’s strange how you take for granted receiving a paycheck every two weeks when you are working.

I also want to thank JRM. You know who you are and I appreciate what you did.

——-@ds

Making different decisions when the madness of who I am is clouded by what I am used to?

Making different decisions when the madness of who I am is clouded by what I am used to?

Change is a fickle concept. Far too often we entrap ourselves in the embodiment of our created security and ego. Sure, we can make different decisions about the food that we eat from day to day, or the people we’ll talk with from one moment to the next, but what about when real change is needed? When at the crux of continuing down a familiar and constant trail that is potentially leading nowhere or embarking on an entirely unknown path, so unknown that you’re not even sure where to start; then how does one make different decisions when the madness of who they are becomes clouded by what they are used to?

I am striving for change. I keep trying to do stuff that I am not normally used to doing in an effort to affect change in myself, my life and my perception. Maybe I am not doing enough, or maybe I, at times, end up over doing it. As I look back on the past 8 – 9 months that I’ve been laid off, I am questioning if I have really done anything truly different or not. I started my own personal blog and wrote about a few personal aspects of my life as well as the ambiguous nature of being unemployed for the first time. I have opened up to more people in my life who, only a few years ago, I more than likely would not have done so. I know that I had to also let some people in my life go. I felt they were more of a detriment to my progress. It’s not that I dislike them, but one can only have so much negativity in their life when things outside of that relationship also seem a bit negative. You can succumb to that way of thinking if you do not anchor yourself appropriately. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I stand firm that it was the right decision. Yet, letting people go in our lives is not something that is new to anyone. Sometimes it’s easy to point out the change needed in other people’s lives, but when it’s your face looking back at you, it is not something that’s easily done. I know that unless I do something drastic, it won’t take a drastic turn, but I don’t believe that type of urgency is needed. After all, it’s persistence that I am going for.

Given all of this, one can not have change without having a counterweight to that change. Something that still holds you steady and true. Right now, my “striving for change” is landing my next job/career opportunity. I have been putting a lot of focus on that. There has been a week here and there that I’ve said, “Screw it, I’m taking a break from all of this searching”. However, I am feeling like I am beating the proverbial dead horse over and over again, and not progressing anywhere. What I have failed to realize or take note of is the key issue of: balance. In failing to recognize this concept, I forgot about the fact that life looks for equilibrium. It’s a teetering effect, put too much weight on one side and everything comes tumbling down.

I have been ignoring it. Indirectly pursuing it. And overall stifling it.

There’s constant shifting in our lives and in the effect that our lives have on all things outside of our being due to, and in lack of, balance. Our shifts produce their own unique ripples that transcend and eclipse those created by others that you know, others that they know, and so on. In the end, there will be balance and we will find our own equilibrium in life. It just takes time and effort to get there. I haven’t been lacking in the time or the effort, but in balancing this out with the rest of my life. Lately, I’ve been venturing out more, rather then just staying in. I hid behind the veil of “trying to keep my expenses low” or “not having a purpose to go out”. The time for that has come to an end. It came to an end a while ago, and it’s only now that I’ve come to the point of writing about it.

What we do, how we do it and how we think manifests outside of us and if the external situation or that which surrounds us is the aspect that we want to change, then we have to bring the focus back on to ourselves in order to change our interaction with it. All the time I spent staying in for the reasons I convinced myself to do so, created an imbalance in my life. I prevented myself from engaging others and meeting new people, going out to get something as simple as fresh air, challenging myself to break past my insecurities and find entirely new experiences. When we allow ourselves to move past what we are used to, then that madness of being clouded in our own self-absorption begins to secede. And when that happens, then the change that we seek happens. But it only comes about with being in tandem with those new experiences and that, which we are seeking.

That, in itself, is balance.

——-@ds

**Elements of balance was originally included on a post of mine on my former Myspace blog, which has been fully removed, on March 28, 2008.  Edited and updated, July 22, 2009.

Roughly two months back, I registered a domain, Running Without Condition, for the very first time on my own. It wasn’t difficult, but this was my first step in setting up my own full-fledge website with a hosting company at some point in the future. The prompting of this was due to the fact that I love WordPress so much, that I want to be able to control it more on my own. When you’re using WordPress.com, it’s a great springboard for getting adjusted with the interface and the program for free. However, you begin to see that in its ease of use the .com version of WordPress is very linear (and for good reason), but if you want to get more out of WordPress, use it as a CMS (something that I want to do and learn from the experience of interaction and mucking around), or increase its functionality with the use of plugins; then you need to go the WordPress.org route.

Both routes are free, however, the WordPress.org version is completely controlled by the user and requires the user to have his/her own domain and server space. With all of that being said, I’ve been reading a lot since I registered my domain on how to install WordPress on my server and what I can potentially do with it when I am ready. Part of understanding that use is understanding how to increase its flexibility with the use of plugins. Plugins, in my view, are like constructing your own personal robot. You start with a base (that’s the wordpress.org installation) and then you start to think how you want to build your robot so that it can do what you want and how you want it to do it. This is where Plugins enter. They provide the functionality that you seek to increase WordPress (your robot) beyond its basic installation. 

I just came across another post about the use of WordPress plugins on Kikolani’s website. Her post, entitled, “WordPress Thesis Theme Customization Part Two: Plugins” speaks directly to the heart of using plugins with WordPress. Kikolani even provides some very useful plugins to start off with and short descriptions of what they do. If you have any interest in using WordPress and customizing it to your needs, then you should definitely take a moment to read her WordPress customization post. 

——-@ds

A month or so back, I was on Linkedin commenting on a topic that I had initially started and someone posted something of interest about job searching. The gentleman brought up a situation that had happened to him and in it, he proposed the idea of offering yourself for free to a company in exchange for either: being considered for a future position later; references to jobs that you are still applying and seeking, and/or the benefit of keeping your skills abreast with the changes in the work environment. I thought the idea had some potential usefulness.

I recently came back to this idea and thought, “why not”. During this time of being laid off and the countless applications for positions, networking through my contacts and etc… not one of the employers have found me worthy enough to hire. That’s been very frustrating, because I can’t recall a time in my life where I was unable to find a job for a stretch of time as long as it currently has been. There was only one time before that I was out of work for just about 3-months, but that was because my internship with Disney on their College Program came to an end. That has been the only other time that I have been remotely in a similar situation. And, yes, I know that many others are going through this and that it is not just me. But it is still frustrating, nonetheless.

With that being said, I reread the post on Linkedin that spoke about offering your services for free and I decided to give it a shot. I saw a job in my field that was asking for an intern for the summer with the *possibility* of being brought on. I thought, “What better an opportunity to offer myself to a place than one that is seeking an intern to begin with”.

A short time later I received the standard reply that my resume has been received and that it will be looked over to see if it meets their needs. I couldn’t believe that in offering myself for free, it didn’t even yield a phone interview. I’m hoping that I am actually being considered, sort of like I’m hoping on all the countless jobs I’ve applied to (of which some responses are just now coming in and they have all been “no” so far). I know that this wasn’t a no, but I have a lingering sensation that it was indeed a “no”. I think my jaw almost dropped. I just lifted it back up.

Am I not even good enough for free?

Really?

——-@ds

Addendum:

This won’t deter me; the mission continues…  

It’s been a while since an update, but I do not have anything enormous to note. I am and have still been searching for work. I had a few sparks here and there, but nothing solid. Beyond this, I have been giving honest consideration to two project ideas that I have had in development in my mind for a number of years now, but am at the juncture of which one I want to start first and commit to. Then it will be necessary to find a few people that would be interested in contributing to the project, in exchange for partnership in the business and its creation.

During the last month, or since my last post, I was house sitting for a friend for about 3 weeks and spent a lot of this time meeting with people I haven’t seen in a while and reflecting on some personal things. Some of the reflection was on the projects I’d like to start and also about what I will need to do should my unemployment run out (which is set to do so in October). A bit of concern on my end. I had hoped that I would not be out of work this long, but it appears that it is unfortunately leaning this way.

That’s about it for right now, just a minor update on the state of things. I should have another post soon, as I have about 3 different ones in the works, but they’re just not ready yet.

——-@ds

Handwritten or Email?

After my most recent interview, I started to sit down and write a thank you letter to the interviewer on one of my “thank you” cards that I purchased a while back. After realizing that my penmanship (when writing in a very small space) has taken a hit after all these years of sending emails, messaging, texting and etc… I began to wonder if sending out a hand written thank you card even matters any more. Is it even considered more meaningful then sending exactly what you are writing as an email?

By sending it as an email, it’s instantaneous and clear. There’s no issue of wondering if the writing is legible or coming across in a professional manner. You also do not have to worry if it was “lost in the mail” or shuffled into some indiscriminate pile at the employer’s office. In contrast, when sending a hand written letter, it’s more personal and shows that you took the time to think about the person. It also reflects that you’re willing to physically write out and mail your note to them. Yet, I still find that I spend the same amount of time thinking about what I am going to say, whether I am writing or emailing it. That part does not change. The difference for me is the time it takes to actually pen the note by hand and in my case the effort I went through to ensure it was professional looking.

To compensate for my penmanship and the fact that it was angling downward to the right side, I realized that when time and money permits, I need to go and involve myself in a penmanship class to correct this issue. I also had to use a ruler and a pencil to outline very faint lines to keep my writing straight. Further, in an effort to ensure my penmanship looked cleaner, I wrote out my note in pencil in a very light manner and then traced over that with the actual pen. Later, I used an eraser to remove all the pencil markings.

However, this attention to detail and care is not something that will be noticed by the employer. In an interview prior to this last one, I didn’t send out a thank you card, instead I sent out an email to the three people that interviewed me and I can tell you that I didn’t get a better or worse response with the emailed “thank you” letter vs. the handwritten attempt. So, the question still remains, does it really matter to mail out a handwritten “thank you” letter after an interview or is email a fully acceptable manner to send such a letter, with the exception of those niche people that may actually consider the hand written note a reflection on a person’s professionalism and quality?

——-@ds

Ouch: Oh and one other thing, I need to buy better pens cause my middle finger was destroyed after pressing so hard on the pen I was using to write with. Any high quality (and very comfortable), pen suggestions? :-p

Warning: What you’re about to read has a blog disclaimer

On Saturday, May 16th, 2009, I went and seen the movie Angels and Demons. Personally, I thought this movie was a much better attempt at Dan Brown’s book, then the previous Howard/Hanks movie The Da Vinci Code. This post today, however, is not about the movie, but it is about the absurdity of disclaimer statements. As the trailers for this movie began to play, one of the trailers that was shown was Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp. Right before this movie started, there was the familiar green movie disclaimer statement that pops up before each and every trailer. What was inherently absurd, in my view, was the fact that its disclaimer had a line in there that noted that this movie contained “gangster violence“. As I looked at this statement for the few seconds it was on the screen, I couldn’t help but think how silly that statement is. As if there is a distinction between violence and gangster violence. If a movie has a guy running down the street who is looking to murder people, but is not in a gang, and shoots people down, how is that intrinsically different then a gangster using a gun to shoot people down? There is no difference. So, why does such a distinctive description need to be made?

I started to think how we’ve become a society of disclaimers. Everything we read, watch and use has a disclaimer. It’s as if someone out there knows that something is not right, but to compensate for having done it anyway, they slap a disclaimer on it to “make it OK”. I’m sure much of this has to do with legal issues, because companies do not want to be sued for someone who didn’t read that a movie was rated R vs. PG-13 and decided to see the movie or allow their kids to see the movie. However, I place that blame on the party for not being personally responsible and paying attention to the rating system. With that being said, if I am going to a movie like Public Enemies, Transformers, Star Trek and Batman; do I really need to be told that there is violence in the film? Isn’t that part of what we call the action of a movie any way and isn’t it part of the reason we go to see the film in the first place? In other words, when I go and see a Jet Li film, I’m not going to see or expect really great acting. I’m going to see what new Martial Art move he uses to beat someone up and take them out. If we’re going to have a disclaimer for Public Enemies called gangster violence, then shouldn’t we have a disclaimer for Transformers called robotic violence, another for Star Trek called space violence and lastly, for Batman called (I don’t know what to call this, maybe…) Bat-violence? And speaking of Jet Li, along with other Martial Artists, their disclaimer should be called martial arts violence or maybe ass-kicking violence (but then we’d have to have a disclaimer for the disclaimer, because we used the word “ass” to describe the violence and that word is profane). I realize that my blog is not going to do away with the inundation of disclaimers, but can we at least agree to reconsider the absurd descriptions contained within them?

——-@ds