A piece of the sky

Today counts as the first day that I have written a blog post using my new iPhone 4. No, I am not gloating, but I am really enjoying the device and all the functionality that comes with it. I am typing this post using the wordpress app that I just downloaded. I just had to enable an XML feature within my self-hosted WordPress blog and I was off.

The interesting thing that even caused me to question using the WordPress app was the pic that I took when I went out for a morning walk. I saw a puzzle piece on the ground and thought that it looked like a piece of the sky laying on the concrete sidewalk. I walked past it initially, while listening to music on my phone, and then turned around to revisit it. A secondary thought came to mind about how I should take a pic of it and post it to my blog. And that’s when it hit me, I now have a phone that can do all of this. The camera on my previous phones had never been good enough, but that’s all different now. Fact is, I don’t know if I’ll make another post from this phone or if I will, but it’s nice to have that option now.

Below is the pic that I call, a piece of the sky.

——-@ds

I just realized…

Again

All the things that you want out of life, but can not have. Those tender moments that are sometimes so sweet and peculiar that you know you will never experience them again. Or, just the yearning for something that will always outpace you. These are the thoughts that always haunt me. Everyday, it’s the realization of an explicit rule that somewhere along the lines became written without my consent or knowledge. And it strips everything from me. It dangles the possibility in front of me, while pulling it away just far enough for me to know, and yet, never achieve. It’s there and it is everywhere. It’s the sign on my forehead that I can’t read, but bears a foreboding to everyone. I try to scrub it off and attempt to remove it, but it just won’t leave.

I want and am left wanting. I yearn and am left without.

I’ve tried and I’ve failed. And it’s always the same. I’m the one always left watching and I suppose if fate is real, then maybe this was supposed to be my path. I am curious as to why. I question what makes the alternative so much better, or why I desire it. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why this other path is so damn special, or figure it out. But I know I can’t be part of it. I suppose I’ll never know the answers to these specific wonders and maybe that’s the point; it’s not meant for me to know. I wish this wasn’t the case.

There was a lot of things in my life I thought I had accepted, but sometimes the reality of those things come back in full force that no matter how much you want to fight against it, you can’t do anything but sit there and accept it. I’m always at my best when I am in the middle of something terrible. But when the sea is calm, I always feel like a fish without water. Always gasping and straining for something that I can’t attain.

So, I am full circle (again) to where I was a few years ago (no, not the job, that’s fine) and I am having to accept what I thought I had already let go. I guess I didn’t. I suppose I have to.

These are my brief thoughts about a life that is less.

——-@ds

Consoles Killed The Arcade Star

Get In The Game (or out of it?)

As a child of the late 70′s (1977), I was part of the generation that grew up playing video games, both at home and at the arcade. When I think back on my history with this illusory past time, I remember all the fun and excitement that I had with playing them. Yet, at some point in my life I grew past playing video games all the time. I don’t quite recall when the turning point was, but I also know it never fully left. The last console I purchased was the Gamecube Nintendo and that all changed a little over 6 months ago. During a pre-black Friday sale, I bought an Xbox 360. For a brand new system, I paid only 99 dollars. I figured it was a good deal and given the hell of a year it has been, it was the first “gift” to myself in a long time (even before the lay offs). After buying this system, I got it home and opened it up, just to make sure everything was in the box. Then I packed it up and put it in a storage bin where it sat for a little over three weeks. And again, that all changed months ago. So, as of today, I have been actively playing my Xbox 360 and using the Xbox Live service. I’m meeting up with some friends online and meeting some new gamers via the online games that I have. I’m enjoying it a lot and the more I play the more I start remembering the part of me that I left behind, and how I used to be.

Over the past eight years I have had a few skirmishes here and there with playing video games, but even with my new console, I still haven’t scratched the surface of the hours I used to give to my gaming past. In many ways, I am glad that this is the case. However, there has always been, and I suspect always will be, a desire in me to get back into heavy gaming. Even though I have controlled the habit over the years, I still get that persistent itch once in a while and I have given into a few all night sessions. However, after getting back into the groove, I’ve started to reflect upon my memories as a child growing up in Seattle, WA, (more…)

Where are you?

The title says it all and to be honest, I’ve been very busy with a few things. I haven’t forgotten about this blog, but I have been neglecting it (can you really neglect a blog?). I’m committed to continue writing and expressing my opinions and thoughts. I’ve had a few of my readers (wow, I actually have a few, that’s awesome!) ask me if I have any more planned content. I can tell you that I have a few posts that are still being written. I know that I want to write about my personal year in review, but when I was laid off, I had an abundance in time. Now that I am working again, having moved, getting my life back together and setting things up on a personal front; the act of writing has taken a back seat.

As of today, I am looking forward with the same perspective I had during my lay off. I want to continue this with a renewed vigor and spirit. I still find how amazing it is that as we stand in the middle of the constant shifting that happens around us, there are still those pocket moments of opportunity that make themselves available at odd moments in our life and allows one to step through to other possibilities. I firmly believe this and I think this is becoming one of those times for me to get back to this blog.

——-@ds

running without condition update

I wanted to take a brief moment and make a new post. I haven’t posted in a while, because I’ve been setting up this blog and trying to mold it into something that I was comfortable with. I’m at a point that I am happy with its current version, but I am just lacking a logo at this point. That will be coming soon. Setting up my own site, installing wordpress (manually), finding and editing themes, installing a comment system,working with plugins; essentially creating the initial building blocks of my personal site has been a great, but trying experience. It’s a useful skill to have and it is something I want to have more experience with.

I did this during my spare time when I was laid off (more…)